Disappear
by 0butterfliesxXredxXflame0
Summary: After a night of getting teased by everyone, Ponyboy begins to think. After thinking he decides, yet this can't be the best and only choice. Can the others help him before he losses everything?
1. Chapter 1

**Hello outsiders lovers (: This is my first fic. Thank you for reading.**

**Ok so in this fic it is set before the Curtis parents die. Although they die in a couple chapters anyway. ****Ehehe so yeah…**

**I don't own anything.**

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"Woah kid slow down," Two-bit laughed as I ate my food rapidly. I slowed a bit. I couldn't help it Mom had made some of the best pasta I've ever had. It was amazing, my taste buds almost melting. "It ain't gunna run away on ya." Is felt my face heat up as everyone giggled with laughter.

"Not my fault Mom makes such good food." My mother smiled at me from across the table. It was Friday so we were having our usual family and gang dinner. Everyone came over, Mom made a huge dinner. Sure the others would come over other nights and would eat, but those night were never for absolute sure. Not like Fridays we all knew everyone would come over.

"Keep at it buddy you'll end up a whale," My father's voice had its normal tease to it. I rolled my eyes trying to keep my laugh.

"Yeah I've noticed somewhat of a belly going on there Pone," Soda laughed poking my abdomen. I swatted his hand away. Everyone laughed, I didn't. Was he right? Was I gaining weight? Come to think of it my jean were feeling a bit tighter than normal. I was eating more too.

"Oh please so he still has a bit of baby fat, " My mom joined in. At this I completely stopped eating. Everyone was laughing.

"You know Mrs. you can only call it baby fat for so long," Two-bit grinned at me. Was it true? I wondered for a moment. Was I chubby? Or fat even? I shivered at such a thought. No I couldn't, their just joking around like always.

Regardless I stood up faking a yawn "I'm going to bed, night everyone."

Mom stood up as I was walking to the kitchen. Kissing my head," sleep well sweat heart." She then turns to everyone, "Yall should get to bed too, don't forget we have to go shopping tomorrow." Oh right, Dad had just gotten his bonus. Normally when he gets his bonus that take us all out and get us one new pair of pants and shirt. The reason we took everyone was easy. Johnny's parents didn't give a hang about him so they didn't get him any clothes, basically the same with Steve and his dad. Dallas didn't have parents to buy him clothes, and they didn't want Two-bit to feel left out.

I out my plate in the sink and walked into my room. I went unzipping my jeans and pushing them down my hips. I threw myself on the bed curling up under the covers. I began thinking.

I thought about what was said at dinner. Was everyone right? Was I gaining weight? Or was this weight always here? No I'm over thinking this. Their just playing around like they do every Friday at dinner. Thought that doesn't explain how my jeans are getting tighter.

_You're just growing,_ I told myself. Yeah that's it I'm just growing. Everyone goes through this, yeah everyone.

After this was sorted out I began to think about the newest book I had been reading. I began to predict what would happen next. Although the chances of any of this happening is slim, it's still nice to think about.

I continued thinking about this till I fell asleep.

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"Ponyboy, wake up darling." Someone was shaking me. I shook them off burring my face in the pillow. Maybe if I pretend I didn't hear them they will leave me alone. I felt more shaking "Get up Pony, you have to get ready." I heard my mother say sternly.

I sigh rolling over so I was looking up at her. She smiled down at me, "Morning baby."

"Morning ma," I said stretching, and yawning a bit.

"Get up and go take a shower, breakfast is almost dome." I nodded sitting up. My mom smiled and began walking out the door. "Don't lay back down."

I threw a grin at her, everyone knew that if I was woken up there was a high chance that I would fall back .asleep. However not today, I was looking forward to some new clothes. My other clothes were getting a bit old and holey.

I got off the bed walking to the closet and searched around for something to wear. I pulled out a red tee-shirt, and jeans. I grabbed my bathroom towel, and headed to the bathroom. I turned on the water, stripping my clothes, I got in.

I shivered a bit noticing the water was cold. I knew someone was in here before me and used all the hot water. Most likely it was Soda, Darry took a shower last night, and Mom and Dad had their own bathroom in their room.

Due to the cold I speed up my showering system. When I was done I grabbed my towel and dried off. Next, I threw on my shirt. Then, my boxers, finally my jeans. I didn't miss the fact that I had to put a bit more effort into buttoning them.

I frowned looking in the mirror. I took in my appearance, my normally flat abdomen was starting to build a small bump under my shirt. My jeans weren't as lose as they normally were around my thighs. Maybe the others were right. I did gain a few pounds.

I didn't worry though, I have a high metabolism. I'll just start cutting down on the junk food, exercise more. Nodding to myself I brushed my teeth and greased up my hair.

I walked out of the restroom and into the kitchen. When I got in the kitchen I saw everyone was already eating.

"Morning Pony," Soda said cheerfully as I sat next to him and Johnny.

"Morning." I said back. I started to eat my food slowly. I knew if I ate it all it would only make my weight issue worse. So I settled for a forth before I stood up throwing away the rest. At this point everyone was finishing getting ready, throwing shoes on and getting jackets. I got my shoes on and my jacket.

When I was done I plopped on the couch next to Johnny. I smiled at him. "Hiya Johnnycakes how ya been."

He shrugged "Pretty good I guess, my old man hasn't hit me too much lately."

I smiled tightly, I have and always hate the way Johnny's folks treat him. He deserves so much better than them. I guess it's a good thing their being nicer nowadays.

"Alright guys lets go," Dad called heading out the door. We all went outside. Jamming ourselves in the family car. There wasn't enough room So Darry said a few of us could go in his truck that he had saved up his money for. It was beat up and old but a car was a car, he said. Mom said there was no reason for us to waste gas when Johnny and I were small enough to sit on Darry and Dally's laps.

We did so with the inclusion of a nice shade of red to our faces. During the drive Darry started to shift me, "Geez Pony, you're like killing my legs." I frowned, was I too heavy for Darry? I shifted myself slowly sliding on the side between Dar and the door.

We finally got to the clothing store. We all got out of the car, walking to the store. It was one of those all kinds of stores. Guys, girls, men, woman, babies, ya know? Dad and Darry headed to the men. Steve, Soda, Two-bit, and Dally went to the older teens. Johnny, mom, and I headed to the sort of pre-teen area. Despite the fact we were 15 and 13 we were the smallest.

Mom took through all the clothes picking out the ones that she thought would make us look "Cute." Finally after thirty minutes of walking around we went to the dressing rooms. Johnny went in the stall next to me, Mom in the little chair waiting area.

I pulled off my shirt and pulled on the other one. I unbuttoned my pants and pulled them off. I got the new ones and pulled them on. I struggled with the button for a few seconds. I straitened everything out before opening the door. Johnny was already out so my mom could check it out make sure everything fit right. Unlike the others she wanted to be sure we fit out clothes correctly, calming we were too young to decide for ourselves.

Really I think she just wanted to make sure we looked "cute" enough. She was looking Over Johnny as I walked to join them. "Ok Johnny that looks great." She smiled turning to look at me. Her smile wavered a bit "Honey that look a bit tight, let me run and go get a bigger size." I frowned looking. The slight bump I noticed from earlier was sticking out a bit. My jeans fit perfectly on my thighs I felt my face heat up.

Jonny looked at me giving me a small smile. Just as Mom came back with a bigger size Shirt and Jeans, "Here try this on." I took the clothes. "Johnny you can go get your normal clothes on now." Johnny nodded as we walked back to the fitting rooms.

So the bigger sized clothes did fit and we checked out and got back in the car. I was still upset about the clothes. I'll just eat less, and exercise a lot more. Yeah like today I'll skip lunch and I won't eat all my dinner. Yeah that's good I think I'll even go out for a run when we get home.

We pulled into Dairy queen "You guys ready for lunch?" I looked at the car clock 1:30. Oh I didn't realize we spent so much time shopping. Everyone got out the car. I reluctantly followed everyone inside. I won't break, even if I've been at this for like ten minutes.

"What do you want guys?" Everyone said what they wanted. When it was my turn my parents looked at me.

"Nothing."

Mom frowned at this, "You sure?"

"Yup," I said. "Not hungry." _I'm chubby anyway I don't _always_ have __to__ eat. _

"Come on kiddo you have to want something." Everyone was looking at me, waiting for me to snap and ask for food. No I won't do that, I have to be strong. Yet I know they'll just keep staring at me if I don't say something.

I sigh "Water."

My dad's normally cheerful grin turned to a frown. "Really?

I nodded with a blunt face "Yes."

They looked at each other, "Ok honey if you want anything just tell us."

I nodded as we walked to a booth and they walked to the counter to order. Soda asked me if I was ok. I nodded, staring at the salt shakers. It was a lie. I'm a good liar, so good it sometimes scares me. Sodapop says I get it from reading so much.

I said I was ok but inside I felt low and worthless. The word from everyone was buzzing around in my head. It made my head began to pound. I would change that I couldn't go on if those thought would go on. I think it would actually kill me if it did.

Oh glory listen to me I sound like a girl, but that's not what I mean. I'm not doing this so the person will like me back, I'm doing this so the other don't continue to see me as the blob of the group. I'll be thinner and better looking.

Mom and Dad came back handing out food. I got an uneasy smile from Dad as he gave my water. Mom glanced at me a little worried. I shrugged and began sipping my water.

_There only looking at you that way cause you never turn down food, ya know cause __you're__ chubby. _ That voice in the back of my mind didn't make me feel too hot. _It's the truth, you should know I'm your friend and I would never lie to you. Cause friends don't lie to each other do they?_

_No._

_Right, my name is Ana and trust me one day I'll be the only one you can trust. _I wonder what Ana meant by she said _promise you'll always do what I want, it will help you._

Well if it would help then I would do it. I mean you don't turn down someone who wants to help you. Besides Ana seems trust worthy. _Ok Ana I trust you._

She didn't say anything for a moment, then she purred _great._

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**Ok I'm not too sure about this, so you tell me what you think. I fear I made Pony to girly, and I totally don't want to do that. **

**Please review, if I should delete this or go on. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Well I can say I did better than I thought I would ^_^ I got 14 reviews! That made me the happiest person a live thank you so much.**

**Sodapoplover4524: I know that was a worry I had by saying that would make him too ooc. Thank you for R and R**

**Guest: That's exactly what I wanted to write this for. That and this idea was on my mind, because Two-bit is always teasing people, so what if he really hurt someone? Thanks for reading.**

**Catie- So I did well? Not too girly, and yeah I was hoping that the exercise would toughen him up, if you have and tips to make his tougher let me know. **

**Kathy135- I'm really glad you like it C:**

**Save-A-Horse-Ride-A-Ponyboy-I give you my best wishes. I'm also super happy you like it. If you don't mind maybe you could give me a tip or two so this Story is more accurate. Only if you're ok with that.**

**Puppylover27- I totally agree with you. I don't want to make Pony go insane, yeah his thinking will be a little screwy ya know cause of Ana and all, other than that I don't think I'll make it worse. Thank you for reading. **

**Chick1996- I'm not too sure because I don't want to mess up Pony's mental health too bad. I dunno were not there yet, so time will tell, thanks for reading.**

**Penny- I'm really glad you like this story (:**

**Julia-I'll defiantly continue (: **

**TheOutsidersBestBookEver- Thank you so much!**

**Adriana-Thanks for reading.**

**Samula- here's more to the story!**

**Panagiota- Thanks for the review it means a lot…..really awesome pen name btw: P**

**Note in this chapter it will have an estimated of Pony's weight, I don't know how tall he really is. The book says he's small and hasn't hit puberty so I'll go with 5'1 and looked up weight charts for that height. Which was from 110- 130**

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It was a normal Monday. Mom came in woke me up told me to get ready for school. I was tempted to fall back asleep, but Dad poked his head in saying I'd be in trouble if I went back to bed. So reluctantly I slid out of bed and made my way to the closet.

I was a bit sore. Ana said it would be a good Idea to do a few sit ups during the day, and like I promised I listened to her. I was real good yesterday, she told me. I didn't eat lunch or dinner. And for breakfast I mostly picked at my food rather than ate it.

It made me grin when I looked in the mirror that night and she said I was already getting thinner.

Grabbing the new clothes I had just got (I wanted to save them for school) I walked to the bathroom. Silently I prayed that soda didn't use all the hot water, again. Him or Darry, didn't take up all the water. That would be a bit of a damper on this morning.

Stepping into the bathroom, I turned on the water. Once again stripping my clothes. I sigh in relief taking a liking to the fact the water was warm. So I didn't rush, but went at a pace so I wouldn't be late for school. A bit of shampoo, and body wash later I stepped out of the shower wrapping a towel around my waist.

I walked up to the sink were I had placed my clothes. I began to slip into my boxers. I don't know what it was, but something, made me look in the mirror. Glancing into the mirror, I saw it. In the bathroom corner in its white perfection.

A scale.

Slowly I turned around. _Go to it Pony, go. _I listened to Ana and made my way over to the scale. I looked down at it. I wondered if I should step on it. I kinda didn't want to know how much I weighed. _A ton, don't worry Pony that's why I'm here. You'll be skinny and perfect with me. This scale it's your new best friend too. Together we would never lie to you._

I swallowed thickly, I stepped my foot forward. My foot met the solid cold surface. It sent a slight shiver threw me as I continued to get on. Looking down I felt myself pale at such a high number_. _

_What does it say?_

_128_

_No, not that honey. It's saying fat. Ponyboy Michael Curtis you sir are a fat blob. Clearly you really need me, if I hadn't shown up you would be the fattest person alive. Say tell you what, don't eat at all today._

I paused, _not eat all day? Then wouldn't I be hungry all day?_

_Hey darling, who ever said dieting was easy? I know I sure didn't. This morning tell your folks you're going to meet a friend early to work on a project, and eat at school. For lunch you'll be at school no trouble there, if anyone ask say you're not hungry. Dinner say you're going to a friends for dinner, and then go on a run. You've got to exercise too ya know. _

_But when I get really hungry, doesn't it start to hurt at some point?_

_Punch your stomach it helps._

A sudden knock on the door broke my conversation. "Hurry up Pony! Breakfast is done." It was Soda, I would know that voice anywhere.

My stomach did a flip for food. I was already hungry from not eating much yesterday. Now I'd go the whole day without food. I wasn't too sure about this, but I already promised Ana I would do whatever she said, she was going to help me. If starving for the day would help so be it.

Slipping into my clothes and my other bathroom needs I walked out to the kitchen. Everyone was there, Dad was at the table with his coffee. Darry making a cup of his own, Soda was preparing chocolate milk. Two-bit was scarfing his food down, with Dally and Steve.

I wanted to call Two-bit a hypocrite for eating fast, but Ana said he was thin, I was fat.

Johnny ate quietly, Mom was over the stove making another plate. She looked up as I came in, "Hey sweet heart, you want some breakfast?"

I shook my head, "No, I'm going to meet a friend at school to work on a project, I don't want to be late. I'll eat there."

She frowned, worriedly. "You sure honey? I mean if you ate real quick you could…"

"No I'm sure."

She frowned a bit. A part of me said to just eat a little bit so my mother wouldn't be upset. But a larger part (Ana) said to not give in. They were trying to break me. I listened to that larger part. I gave my mother a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. Before I grabbed my bag and headed to the door.

I stopped short remembering dinner. "Hey uh... ma?" I turned to face her, as she came out of the kitchen.

"Yes Pony?"

"So on Friday my friend invited me to his house for dinner today, so is it ok if I go?"

She blinked understanding what I had said then, "Ok be careful ok honey. We'll be here so call us if you need anything." I hid my smirk, she bought it!

"Ok I will no worries." I turned towards the door calling out a good bye to the guys.

_Don't worry Pony, trust me soon you'll be thin and perfect._

Hearing Ana say that made my heart race with this sudden thrill. I didn't know how to explain it. I was just so…so…happy! And exited, I would be thin. I wouldn't be a fat blob anymore.

I mean you can't blame me. If you look at my brothers, I feel real lousy them looking so hansom and I'm this ugly blob. They must be embarrassed to hang out with me.

That could be why Steve hates when I tag along. He must know Soda feels bad for me or something. That thought didn't settle with me so well. I would hate if I was just a drag and Soda had to put up with me. Due to this I made a note to not go out with any of the gang till I looked better. Ana told me the same thing.

Still there was a small part of me that said this was a really bad idea, back out before it's too late.

I told myself that was the fat and ugly side. It would be gone in no time at all.

* * *

As my first day at school I think I did well. I skipped lunch like Ana told me to. I had to punch my stomach once in between classes cause my stomach was growling so loud other people could hear it.

Ana told me punching your stomach was like training wheels. It's only there to keep me balanced. One day I'll be completely numb to hunger. So numb that I won't even know I have it! There was this sick twisted part inside me that couldn't wait for that day to come.

Right now I was walking to the park. They had a running track. I stood at the start of the track wondering how many laps I should run.

_All the laps you can get in till it's time to go._

Yeah Ana was right! I shouldn't limit myself to a certain number. I should do all that I can. So I did, I ran as many laps as I could. I lost track of how many I did. I ran for so long my legs felt numb. My stomach was still growling loud in my ears. I'm sure other people could hear it too. I was too tired to punch my stomach.

I dragged my feet inside my house. I felt like I could collapse any moment. I felt kinda light headed and a bit dizzy. I was awfully tired too. My whole body was aching for food. It took a lot of will power not to go to the kitchen and eat everything.

Mom looked at me, and frowned. "You alright Honey? You look exhausted."

"Yeah, uh we…uh… I ran home." A look of worry crossed her face. I decided that wasn't the best thing to say I guess. It's just golly I'm so tired I can't think strait. "I noticed how late it was getting and I didn't want to worry you," I said lamely.

I guess she bought or decided to let it slide cause she said, "Alright why don't you go to bed. It is late and you have school."

I nodded and without another word I was in my room changing into P.j's. Flopping down on the bed I sigh. I wanted to curl up and die. I felt awful. _ You're so weak,_ Ana sneered. _ So you didn't eat all day or much yesterday! The others could do it and be perfectly fine. This just proves your nothing but a fat ugly blob._

I winced at the tone Ana was using, but I knew she had a point. Everyone could go through this day no sweat. Not even thinking twice. Ana was right, I'm just being a fat ugly blob. I'll change that, I told myself. Like Ana said one day the hunger will just be a numb feeling.

One day…

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**This chapter was really short and ugly. I don't like it. Sorry it's so short. I just wanted this to be kinda and example of what Pony's life is going to be like the next few months or so. More like what's going on in his head.**

**Again I made Ponyboy to girly ugh! *bangs head on key board ***

**Review and tell me how ugly this chapter is…. Oh yeah if ya'll have any Ideas, for this story that you think would make it better you can leave it in a review or PM I don't care.**

**Well till next time Tata (^_^)v**


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok guys I'm just going to be blunt here, no pony will not start cutting. I just think all anorexia ****stories**** do that, I ****want to**** be original. I hope that's ok. Besides I don't think I could ****make it work :p.**

**Poppy- Sorry I took so long, here's a huger chapter :D**

**Penelope-Thanks (:**

**Piper-Here's an update!**

**Penny-I like ****your**** idea, but like I said I won't do cutting, maybe he finds another way of dealing with hunger? If you have an idea please tell me.**

**Ponylover-Thank you so much for reading and suppor****ting.**

**Save-A-Horse-Ride-A-Ponyboy- Thank you so much (:**

**BeyondxNekoxMassacre- I hope for a good recovery, and I will try to keep it as realistic as I can. You want to add anything leave a review or P.m. me.**

**EmotionallyConfz- Thank you so much for the tips ****I will try and slow the proces****s that was a ****really**** worry if I was moving along to fast. I want this to be as realistic as I can get.**

**Kate- I'm really glad to hear that you like this story that much, it makes me want to throw a party.**

**Pugpie- thank for the Id****ea, I have a few brain storm of that.**

**Samula- I want to make this anorexia go on for a few chapters, but that could be a way they find out, or make them suspicious, Ya know he could say he fainted from stress, exhaustion ****etc.****…**

**Panagiota- That's a great Idea****! I love it, I'll definatly do that school Idea!**

**Chick1966-Yeah I guess that's a good way to see it (:**

**Catie: Your welcome, And I can see that fitting into the story, thanks (:**

**So this chapter is a little chopped up, because it's like kind ****an**** over time. Wel****l a week end. Ok well you'll see ****because**** I'm pretty sure this doesn't make any ****sense****.**

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Today was Friday, I was a bit worried about dinner. I figure I could eat a little bit if I ran after school, and didn't eat much today. That and my mom was on my case about eating lately. Every time I said wasn't going to eat she would look at me with this odd suspicious and worried look. It made wonder if she was going to catch on.

Like yesterday she was dropping hints about me possible going into anorexia. Saying that I wasn't eating enough lately, and how I was looking slimmer this week. I didn't dare talk back or roll my eyes. Soda and Darry had done it at a time, the only time my dad really looked upset is when we disrespected our mother.

I guess it was that he wanted to teach us to respect women. I remember once a long time ago Darry called mom the B word, the only time I can remember any of us getting hit.

I decided to do a run and eat good amount of dinner maybe get her off my case for a bit.

Walking up my front steps, I slammed the door closed. Everyone was here, but instead of the normal happy gleeful expressions they normally wore, they looked dead. Like someone had died, my heart slammed agents my chest.

In the kitchen I hear Darry and Soda talking, a soft sob a soft sob to go with it. I dropped my bag. I guess they didn't realize I was there cause Johnny looked like he was seeing me for the first time. "Ponyboy," He said softly.

Then I hear footsteps, Darry and Soda coming from the kitchen. I looked at both of them, Soda had red puffy eyes. Darry looked…cold. My heart best became frantic, Mom and Dad weren't here and everyone was acting like someone died.

I began to panic, no they can't be…

"Ponyboy, "Darry said softly. He never used that tone, unless someone was sick, hurt, or about to give bad news. Bad news like our parents died. "Earlier today while driving to work with Mom, they…,"He trailed off getting tensed.

I knew what was next. I mean why would Dar tell me about them going to work for no reason, and in _that_ tone? I didn't want to hear it. It would kill me to hear it. Still I felt if I didn't hear it there would always be a part of me that denies it.

"There was a car accident," Soda said tears falling down his handsome face. "They didn't, "he paused taking a deep breath. I did too, "They didn't make it." My hand clenched into a fist at my side. There I heard it. I heard it now it feels like a piece of me has died.

I shut my eyes, not wanting to cry in front of everyone. No I want to at least make it to my room then break down. Even if they would still hear me, I didn't want them to see me. I nodded quickly, tears filling my eyes. Next I was shutting the door to my room.

I sunk to the floor in front of the door, pulling my knees up. I let out an agonized sob. This isn't supposed to be! They can't die! I'm still too young, I've got to learn a lot from them still. Like how will I learn to shave? Don't dads teach their sons those kinds of things? Or advice to impress a lady? How to drive? All the things parents teach their kids, I'll never learn from mine.

Then that got me thinking, what will happen to us? Darry was old enough to be on his own. But Soda and I? Would we get put in a boy's home? I don't know how I felt of being put in a replacement family. It would never feel right.

There was always the option that Darry would take care of us. It sounded like a dream, but I would never forgive myself if Darry gave up everything for me. He has a lot going for him. He's saving up for college now. That and he has a football college scholarship. No he can't give up everything. I won't let him.

What about Soda and The gang? Do we all have to split up now? I mean our house is where everyone came to feel safe and a peace. Now no one could come here anymore. Our gang would fall apart.

It was like I could see what would happen. Steve get kicked out by his drunken dad. Dallas would make jail a second home. Two-bit wouldn't grin as much. Johnny, oh glory Johnny would be worse off than any of us. HE need us as much as we needed him. We were his family, screw it if not blood but we stuck together like family should so we were family.

I don't think I'd ever be the same if we lost each other.

It wasn't till an hour later Soda came in, I had moved from the floor to the bed. Now curled up into a tight ball, with a sniffle every now and then. My heart was still in pieces, I didn't even try to fix myself as the door opened.

"Pony, Darry made some dinner. You going to come and eat?"

"Not hungry," I lied. I was starving, but I was too upset to eat. Funny I heard from Ana this whole time. Maybe she know I need some time?

"You sure?"

"Yeah," My voice was strained a clear sign I would start bawling any second. I heard the door close and footsteps. Next I knew Soda wrapped me in his arms. I sniffed laying my head on his shoulder. "Soda," I cried. "What are we going to do? I mean what's going to happen? Are we going to a boy's home?"

Soda rocked us back and forth, shhing me softly. I continued to lay on my brother's shoulder sobbing my heart out. Soda rubbed my back telling me it was ok. "Listen kiddo I already talked to Darry he's said he was going to get custody of us."

I froze, the one thing I didn't want to happen. No he can't, he just... no I won't let him! I pushed away Soda," Tell him no. l won't let Darry do that! He has too much going for him! I won't let him give it up for me!"

Soda scoffed "Already said that. He won't listen this is Darry were talking about he as stubborn as a mule, you should know that, you're just like him."

I rolled my eyes playfully, one of the things I love about Soda he can make you smile even on the worst day of your life. He hugged me a bit tighter, then let go with a slight worried face. "What?"

"Pone, have you lost weight?"

I stiffened for a moment, "No, I don't think so."

He shrugged, "Ok guess I'm just over reacting."

"Or getting crazier," I mumbled softly. He grinned at me, rubbing my hair.

"We'll save you a plate in case you get hungry later alright?" I nodded as he left closing the door.

I sigh leaning back agent the pillows. I couldn't help but grin a bit, Soda said I was losing weight! So that meant it was working. I was getting thinner, smaller, tinier whatever you want to call I was becoming it. I felt a rush of excitement run through me.

Ana's advice was working, and as long it did I would listen to her forever if I had too.

* * *

The weekend passed I didn't really eat, well only on Saturday when Darry had me eat an orange. Even then I didn't eat all of it. No one really talked in the house this week end. We we're all quite lost in our own thoughts. To me it felt like the house was empty. I was all alone it was so quite.

Another thing, I hadn't heard from Ana all this time. I think she still was giving me time. I was starting to worry. I mean I was starting to think about eating. No not just like eating a meal, like a lot. So much I would explode.

I was so hungry it was sounding more and more tempting. This idea scared me. I don't know how to explain it. Without Ana I somehow felt lost. I didn't know when to eat or what to eat. I guess Ana became like some kind of reassurance, telling me I was on the right path or the wrong one.

Like today, it was the funeral. Of course Soda and I cried our hearts out. I've been doing that all weekend. Darry stood there made of stone, with this lost helpless look in his eyes. I really hated that look it burned my soul. Made me think of how Darry is going to give up everything. All for me.

It makes it worse no matter what I say he won't let us go. Trust me I'd damned tried to get him to say he would let us go. Or me even he would be fine with Soda, Soda can take care of himself. I'm still a kid, although I hate admitting it, I'm going to need help with a thing or two.

Anyway, after the funeral Darry took us to the Dingo to get some food. I was so hungry I got a huge burger! And I ate it all! Two-bit who had sat next to me looked over and grinned "So I see you're feeling better huh Pony?" Guilt swallowed me. I actually ate that whole thing! I felt like I was going to explode! I didn't say anything, just looked down and messed with the table cloth.

Now I'm lying in bed truly hating myself for what happened. I curled my fingers around my bed spread in a tight fist. I'll never be thin if I eat like that. I rolled over to my side, closing my eyes wanting this day to be over.

* * *

_It was dark._

_I don't know where I am but its dark. I reach my hand out trying to feel for something. Any kind of hint to know where I am. How did I get here? I blink a few times trying to figure how to get out. _

Ponyboy, _I looked around that voice was Ana._

Ana? Where am I? _ I felt around trying to see if I could touch her._

It's your fault ya know? They couldn't stand being around you so they left.

What? _Then it was like a light was turned on. The room was white and vacant. There was not a soul in sight. I was in some kind of limbo. I turned my head side to side looking for someone_

You were so ugly they couldn't stand it. They just couldn't stand having you as their son. You were a monster. _Then there was a mirror in front of me. The __reflection filled me __with absolute horror._

_It was a monster. A fat ugly monster. It had roll and rolls of fat dripping over the edge of its clothes. The shirt it wore was rolling up reveling a fat flabby stomach. Food stains all over the shirt. It was gross. I felt stick. It met my eyes, there was something about them…_

_I jerked back in horror. Me! That thing was me! I staggered back falling agents the floor._

Do you see why now? And that dinner didn't help at all my friend.

All your fault, all your fault. _ Voices coursed in my head. I __recognized__ them all. The gang._

I can't go to college now Ponyboy! _Darry_

Now where do I go when I get kicked out kid? _Steve _

Now I'll be in the slammer with no bail! _Dallas _

Your broke us up you good for nothing brat! _ Soda, Two-bit. _

Thank Pony, My folks will beat me to death now._ Johnny…_

_Tears built up fast. Then they all stood over me screaming and yelling. I cried out and apology after apology. Then they cleared up a space my eyes widened. The refection stood over me. I looked around frantically to see if they would help. No movement._

_It grabbed my ankle._

_Nothing._

_I was being dragged._

_Nada._

_I screamed._

* * *

I sat in my bed eyes wide open when Darry and soda busted threw the door. They rushed to my side almost instantly.

"What happened?"

"Are you ok? Hurt?"

"Can you hear me?"

"It's alright Ponyboy breathe."

I did as I was told taking deep breaths trying to steady my ponding heart. "Sorry," I choked out. I curled my fingers around my blanket. "I didn't mean too." My dream was fresh in my mind, I was still unsure of a lot of things.

"It's alright Pony, what happened?"

I looked at Soda, "Nightmare."

"About what?"

I couldn't tell them, I just can't. I don't trust myself not to break down. _ Yeah cry like always. Am I really that worthless? _I took a deep breath looking at both of them before saying:

"I don't remember."

* * *

**Ok I'm sorry for not updating in a while, it's just we were moving and I have school so it's been crazy lately. But I played hooky today and wrote a long chapter for you guys: D**

**I need help for the next chapter, I don't know what to do, any Ideas?**

**Review!**


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